Halloween will be here in just two days! Holy radioactive garbanzo beans!
This is also Jicama's fifth post! Trust me, I'm already throwing black-paint covered oranges at pictures of dodos as we speak. What? It's tradition.
Seriously though, in honour of this joyous c-c-c-combo-occasion, I've decided to give you 5 cool ways to kill yourself, in order of difficulty.
I. Throw yourself off a 10-story building wearing a banana suit.
-We've all seen those dorky outfits in the Halloween costume aisle, may as well make it a piece of your final wardrobe. Just imagine the looks on the faces of everyone trying to scrape your corpse off the pavement when they see that outfit! Bonus points if you get to wear it at your funeral.
II. Self-Immolate while sky-diving.
-A bit trickier, and I'm not entirely sure that the rushing air wouldn't just extinguish the flame. Just to be safe, have a belt of incendiary explosives ready to go off on impact. Make sure you land in a safe area, or at least a roadblocked-off area, wouldn't want to hurt anyone.
III. Hang yourself with your own intestines.
-I know what you're thinking, "How is this even possible?". Oddly enough, it has been accomplished by determined individuals. You have to act quickly, and wrapping the guts around your neck to actually die by asphyxiation takes immense dexterity and constitution.
IV. Death by Chuck Norris
-The difficulty of this technique lies primarily in two factors: Finding Chuck Norris, and finding someone strong to beat you with Chuck Norris. Your large friend must lift Mr. Norris into the air, and use his unwilling (or perhaps willing) body as a living club to beat you into being thoroughly dead. Granted, this borders on the line of murder, but let's just call it assisted suicide.
V. Launch yourself into the mouth of a living Tyrannosaurus Rex covered in a mechanical harness which surrounds you with orbiting ring of chainsaws.
-If you effectively build a chainsaw-belt harness, genetically re-animate a T-Rex, and load yourself into a cannon or catapult solely for this suicide, then I tip my hat to you sir. I tip my hat.
Image Courtesy of Doomser at de.wikipedia